To quote Sarah Koenig, “Bowe’s ideal soldier, the one from history, fights for a cause he or she is completely, personally committed to. That soldier rallies behind military leaders that he or she trusts.” To Bowe’s dismay, this romanticized heroism was far from the modern combat he experienced in Afghanistan.

As a kid growing up on 40 acres in Hailey, Idaho, Bowe’s ideal soldiers were ones he could read about. They were Samurai who studied the Bushido code. They stressed honor, loyalty, and self-sacrifice, all values Bowe holds with the highest regard and expected from the US Army.

Though what he saw was this: “The modern soldier turns out to have no choice about those essential aspects of combat. Instead, he’s a brainless private that does whatever the government tells him to do, go here, go there, go fight these people. He’s just a tool. That’s how Bowe saw it,” explained Koenig.

So maybe Bowe wasn’t the best fit for the army. It wasn’t what he expected. He couldn’t fulfill his wants in this particular position. “I wanted to be a samurai soldier, a fighter, warrior,” he said, which was clearly far removed from a sergeant’s duties.

Though who could blame Bowe for fanaticizing hero status? In fact, the armed forces purposely distribute propaganda emphasizing patriotism to increase recruitment. We are “Army Strong.” We watch movies like American Sniper and Lone Survivor where men save countless lives and are commended for their service to their country.

From interviews with Bowe and his platoon mates, we learn quickly that being a part of a war isn’t exactly a movie moment. A combination of fear, stress, and boredom throw men and women into an uncharted psychological state where “crazy talk” is common. Many are weeded out in basic training, and one’s own personal ethics are tested like Bowes were when he enlisted in the US Coast Guard.

Bergdahl joined the United States Cost Guard and headed off to Cape May, New Jersey when he was only 19. However, his Coast Guard career was short-lived. In the third week of basic training, he was found curled in the fetal position, crying with blood on his hands and face. It was later reported, “observed that PFC Bergdahl’s mental status is significant for situational anxiety,”

What brought Bowe to this status? The military had their code of conduct, and Bowe had an even more rigid code of conduct for himself which made his time in basic training that more overwhelming. “A code of values accepted by choice is a code of morality,” Bowe pulls this from Atlas Shrugged and the character John Galt. Yet there were very few John Galts in the US Army.

It is beloved that these overarching values give foundation to the US Army: respect, selfless service, honor, integrity, courage, duty, and loyalty. Though when Bergdahl was accepted into the Army in 2008 this foundation appeared to be crumbling. Due to the surge in Iraq, there was a desperate need for Army recruits. In that time period, 17% of recruits in question received waivers for past situations in order to enlist. This included a waiver of Bowes discharge from the Coast Guard.

Bowe was strict on himself, and as stated on Serial “He holds the world and everybody in it to unrealistically high expectations.” It is my understanding that Bowe had a difficult time adjusting to military life because he focused too harshly on keeping others accountable for these high expectations. It wasn’t long before he found that these high expectations aren’t always met.

The Army was willing to compromise their integrity and completely violate their code of ethics to build their forces. Sarah Koenig notes, “what a separation like Bowe’s tells you, just on its face, is that, for whatever reason, this person couldn’t hack it in basic training. And the army recruiter’s job is to send that potential recruit straight back into basic training,” not into war.

My personal code of ethics, likewise to Bowes, includes high expectations. I expect myself to be loyal, to have integrity, to be accountable, and to be caring day in and out. Though where Bergdahl and I differ is that I cannot hold everyone to this same code of ethics because it is the way we prioritize these qualities that make up our values. To Bowe, it appeared that the US Army could not hold their values, and so we return to how our story began, with Bowe trying to raise them.